in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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