a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
should my penis look like a turkey
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
