Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
