I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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