dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
