Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was not drunk enough for that final.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
