you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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