Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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