There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
