I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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