You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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