Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
