He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
