Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
