is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
