Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
