He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
