This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
