allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize