I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
