that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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