got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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