If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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