I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
