I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
