The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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