I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
