Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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