They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
