im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Randomize
