At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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