mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
