apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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