I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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