Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
