Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
