K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
