i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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