his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
