Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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