I wanna passion pit in your ass
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm always down for nudity.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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