You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
