my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
