i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dear god my vagina.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
