It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
