i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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