I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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