she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
