The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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