I wish I could punch you in the face.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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