I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
