It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
