Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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