dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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