just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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