every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize