I think my fart just growled at me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to cum in my sink.
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