I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
