Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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