You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
