Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
