3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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