How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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