It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
