Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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