Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
