We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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